Y’all I haven’t worn a bikini top and bikini cut bottom combo swim suit since I was 18… and even then I felt subconscious. I moved to a skirt bottom with a bikini top early on. To me, my legs had never been beautiful, and my hips were always too wide. And until last year, I wore a skirt bottom and tank top because well .. two kids later and let’s just say those insecurities I had at 18 were way worse after that.
If I could go back to my 18 year old self, Id say, “Girl, you are not fat just because you are a size 7 and not a 2. Just because you don’t look like the girls in magazines or ads does not make you fat or unattractive. You are beautiful; you are skinny; you are healthy!” You see I struggled so hard with this growing up. I had curves and not many of my friends or even family had them. I felt large often, and because of that I often felt insecure and fat. Looking back at my photos from then … man I wish I could go smack some sense into myself!
As young girls though, learning this is tough. Feeling insecure can happen so easily in this society. It’s not just curvy girls who feel insecure. There are girls I know who can’t gain weight and are super insecure about that. I also know girls who are a size 2 and have other insecurities they deal with.
I am learning to love myself and MY body. I have curves. I will never be toothpick thin no matter what I do. I am striving to be the healthiest version of me. God blessed me with this body of mine and the ability to bring two beautiful souls into this world. Y’all, I created and carried life with my beautiful body. Every mark, every scar, every extra pinch of skin, there’s a reason they are there. They are all a part of me and my story.
And I pray I can teach my beautiful daughters to love themselves. I don’t want them to experience insecurities or feelings I have over the years. I try and teach them healthy ways and all about the things we put in our body. It’s not about a scale, and I make a conscious effort to not to talk about my weight or fat in front of them. Hearing that encourages them to look at themselves that way. I want them to look in their own mirror and see their beauty.. to have such a confidence when looking at themselves that I never did.
If I could express anything it is to love you for you. It has taken me 31 years to get here, but I’m definitely trying to own my beautifully curved and flawed body. God made all types of bodies. Some are small, others are big. Some are tan, others are pale. Everyone is beautiful and has their own strengths. Be the healthiest version of you. Embrace who you are. And to all those girls (and guys) struggling with insecurities, know you are not alone. Know you bring your own special beauty to this world. Be you and own it because there really is no one else like you.